We all know about Harry Potter. The chosen one, the boy who lived, the boy who “single-handedly” saved the world from Voldemort. But what about the people who helped him along the way? The people who did most of the work while Harry decided that he had better things to do and all the time in the world to prepare the life-saving methods needed to jump into the dangerous tasks that lay ahead. And no matter how often Hermione tried to steer that boy in the right direction, he continually fell back into his old lazy, arrogant, and impulsive habits. It’s funny how the boy who lived refuses to ever accept help of any kind, unless it involves Hermione doing his homework for him. Or Hermione figuring out what fresh heck is coming after them time and time again; as well as how to defeat it. Or Hermione getting his behind out of the trouble that he always seemed to land himself in.
The boy who lived would have met his maker very quickly had he not teamed up with Hermione at such an early stage in his Hogwarts career. And yet Hermione is continually denied the thanks, appreciation, and acclaim that she deserves. All of the worship, hatred, and celebration continues to fall entirely on Harry’s shoulders. Which is entirely unfair.
So, in reaction to Hermione’s efforts constantly being ignored by the people of the wizarding world, let us go through twenty-five things that Hermione can do which Harry simply can’t.
25 Open “Hogwarts: A History”
Hermione refers to the text “Hogwarts: A History” throughout their years in Hogwarts so often that it practically became an inside joke between Ron & Harry.
And yet, Harry does not seem to realize that the solutions to 99% of his problems and questions lie within those pages.
He never bothers to even casually read through the index when in peril. No, he will just let Hermione deliver its contents to him when needed for reading is just so much work.
24 Learn A Second Spell
Harry, my son, my boy, my source of constant headaches and frustrations, do you not know any other spells? I’m serious. You are up against some of the most powerful and dangerous wizards in magical history. You can’t continue to do nothing but disarm them. I mean, in a way, it is sweet. But we are at war, Harry. It is impossible to defeat an enemy who can simply retrieve their weapon and slip right back into attack positions. Stun them at the very least, boy.
23 Fix His Glasses
Harry, have you ever considered contacts? It seems as though that every single time that Hermione sees you in Diagon Alley, your glasses are broken in some way, shape, or form. I know that you’ve been through a lot and the Dursley’s are absolute abominations but you can’t rely on Hermione to fix all of your problems all of the time. What would you have done if she had gotten her books a day earlier? Would you just have gone about your life with shattered glasses until you met up with her at Hogwarts?
22 Quit Procrastinating
Look, I know that you didn’t want anything to do with the Triwizard tournament. But, those wants are in the past. Now you are a contestant and you have to do everything you can to survive. You have literal months to prepare for these life-endangering tasks. So why are you waiting until the very last second to cram and decide that it is hopeless because you could not find the key to the task within a 7-hour study session? You barely made it through that first task. Shouldn’t you put just a little bit more effort into the second?
21 Defeat Umbridge
This, like the rest of this article, is a Harry Potter call-out post. I know that you are trying to protect everyone. And that is sweet. But staying quiet about the gross atrocities someone is carrying out in secret does not protect anyone except for the monster in pink.
Staying quiet actually endangers each and every one of the other students in that school. If you wanted to protect the others, you should have marched straight into McGonagall’s office and shown her your injuries in order to stop her from doing this to anyone else. You know, like Hermione told you to.
20 Make A Quick Getaway
Harry wanted to find those Horcruxes in order to defeat Voldemort, but he literally did not do a single thing in order to prepare for this task. If Hermione had not have been at that wedding, the boy who lived would have quickly become the boy who was captured and eliminated at the Malfoy Manor. Hermione had been preparing for this adventure for months and has had a quick getaway in her back pocket for weeks. The boys would have gotten nowhere without her bag, camping locations, and ability to figure out exactly what needs to be done in order to accomplish specific tasks and then carry it out.
19 Understand Logic Puzzles
If Hermione had not been down in that dungeon with him, he would have never been able to stop Professor Quirrell. Do you think that that boy could have solved that complex logic puzzle?
The boy who had no idea what Seamus could have possibly been up to even though he had been yelling “Turn this water into rum” for the past several minutes? The boy who carried a letter addressed to him into a kitchen filled with monsters who attempt to rob him of anything that might bring him joy rather than dropping it off in his closet on the way in order to enjoy it in private?
18 Read A Book
Harry, my guy, the answers to literally every single problem you have ever had during your six years at Hogwarts can be found within the pages of one of the many books contained within the school library. Do you want to know why Hermione always knows what is going on and how to deal with it? It’s because she spends her days with her nose buried in those books. And you mock her for it. Come on, Harry. Think for a minute and crack open a book, for Merlin’s’ sake.
17 Accept Help From Others
We get it. You don’t want to endanger your friends. But how have you not realized that your greatest weapon against the dark lord is love? Dumbledore literally spelled that out for you in your first year at Hogwarts. You cannot defeat the dark lord on your own, so stop trying. You need the ones that you love at your side. It is quite literally the only way to vanquish the boy who would never know love. Stop fighting it and start embracing the literal army that you have backing you up.
16 Find The Chamber Of Secrets
I wonder what those boys would have done if they had not found that crumpled-up piece of paper in Hermione’s petrified hands. Would they have saved Ginny in time or would she have become basilisk chow? Would the wizarding world have woken up to the news that the daughter of the muggles greatest ally was the one who was offing muggle-borns left, right, and center? What would Tom have done to the students at that school had Harry and friends never stopped his efforts before they truly began? Also, why did he not say something when he clearly saw Lucius obviously place a second book in Ginny’s cauldron?
15 Exercise Caution
I admire Harry’s bravery but running head first into danger the moment that he constructs half of a plan that might work is incredibly dangerous and needs to stop. Calm down for a second, Harry, and let’s discuss some other options.
I know that you think that your godfather is at the mercy of Tom Riddle but the teachers have spent this entire year telling you that Voldemort can put ideas into your mind in order to manipulate you. Shouldn’t we confirm that this danger is real before running headfirst into an incredibly risky situation like Hermione suggested?
14 Learn Spells On His Own
Harry, you cannot rely on Hermione’s brilliance to save you at every turn. It is not her job to research every problem that you encounter and figure out a solution. You should have started researching the Triwizard tournament the second your name was drawn. The minute you found out you were going up against dragons, you should have found a way to defeat or at least incapacitate one that followed the rules you had already researched. You can’t always rely on dumb luck or someone else doing all of the work for you, boy.
13 Get A Date To The Yule Ball
There were three schools’ worth of girls to choose from and you waited until the literal last second and then complained that everyone was taken. If you want a no pressure and embarrassment free scenario, go as a group with your friends. Go with Ron as a gag and make fun of his rubbish dress robes the entire night. Go stag and make a statement. Don’t literally do nothing and then whine when something has yet to happen. And don’t ask out a girl that you know has a boyfriend and then pout when she is taken.
12 Take School Seriously
You have the privilege to attend one of the greatest wizarding schools in the entire world. Enjoy it. Appreciate it.
Take advantage of the materials at your disposal and hone your skills. Don’t treat it like a chore.
It’s an honor. If I had been accepted into Hogwarts, you can guarantee that I would have spent every spare moment learning every single thing that I could about every area of magic available to me. Do your homework, pay attention in class, be grateful that you’re not at home with the Dursleys.
11 Put Malfoy In His Place
I wonder what would have happened if Harry had simply decked Malfoy right in that smug little face like Hermione had. Clearly, words had no impact on that slippery little git and this rivalry was going to continue to escalate until someone put a stop to it. I mean, Harry did magically shred the poor boy to pieces in their sixth and final year at Hogwarts but there has to be a middle ground between sassy comebacks and evisceration. Just pop him one straight in the maw the next time that he gets a little lippy.
10 Identify Werewolves
Come on, Harry. His name is Moony Moon Moon. He is absent every full moon. His biggest fear is the moon. And Snape forced you to study werewolves and how to identify them when taking over his class. You didn’t even believe Hermione when she exposed his secret in that shack. No, it only clicked for you when your teacher transformed into a creature of the moon right in front of your eyes. Come on, man. Think. Just for a second.
9 Make Up With Ron
Is Hermione your mother? Does she need to hold your hand, sit you and your friend down, and force you to make up every single time that you have a disagreement? Is it so hard for you to just tell your friend what you’re feeling, giving him space to express his own feelings, and then work them out together? Why must Hermione continue to go between the two of you and try to force you to play nice? It is not her job to mediate your continual disputes.
8 Do Her Own Homework
Once again I must reiterate that you are at wizard school. You get to learn magic from some of the greatest wizards of all time. This is an absolutely amazing opportunity and few are lucky enough to experience. So why do you moan on about every assignment sent your way? I would feel privileged if I got the chance to spend days researching the goblin wars and the ways in which the planetary alignments can affect my life. Harry, you are wasting this amazing opportunity. 12 inches of parchment is not that much!
7 Talk To Girls
Harry seems to bounce back and forth between getting high off his own reputation and coasting on the title of “the chosen one” or shutting down and becoming a stuttery mess when it comes to girls.
Come on, they are just people.
You can talk to Luna, Ginny, and Hermione no problem until the subject of romance comes into play and then you act like a robot who has fallen into a puddle of water. Hermione seems to have no issue talking to Krum. Be like Hermione. Breathe, calm down, and stop thinking so hard. Just talk to them.
6 Take A Moment To Think
Take a moment to think before you do literally anything, boy. Please, for the love of Merlin. Just take one second to ask yourself if what you are about to do is the best course of action and if you truly have thought everything through. Taking a couple seconds, listen to Hermione’s questions, and ask yourself if there is any possible way that this could turn into an absolute poorly thought out disaster. At least make sure it is a well thought out disaster.
